"2 months to the day..."

It's been two months since diagnosis. February 23, 2009 was my last day of "normalcy." While I think I've handle this quietly and in a shy manner, I've also first experienced the "anger" and "frustration" of being afflicted with this pervasive disease. I think the warm weather and my zany persona wants to run out the door, go jogging, ride my scooter, and smack the crap out of a golf ball. My mind wants to be active; my body tells me it's not possible. I must pace myself.

I've 7 radiations out of 35 left, and believe me you, am counting them down. The windpipe is getting extremely sore, I'm moving towards a softer diet and plenty of protein powder to sustain what weight I can. I'm cautious about going and buying jeans and shorts, as I anticipate putting back on some of the 30 pounds I've lost since October. Yea, I thought I had a great diet prior to diagnosis!!

We met with the Drs. today and as usual, they inform me we won't know anything until the scans that will occur at One and Four months after radiation is completed. I'm blessed that KUMC is attacking this so aggressively. Cathy Glennon, our guardian angel, accompanies us to each appt. It's an amazing honor to walk the halls with her and see how much respect, admiration and dedication she receives from every individual. We feel like royalty in her presence, and are blessed she pointed us down this road to fighting this disease.

I also am blessed with a bevy of wonderful drivers, exceptional friends and family, and a sister that my relationship blossoms more and more each day. Janie and I have always been close. I'm blessed to have a truly wonderful older sister. I will never forget how she has helped me. Wes is also strong, and without these people in my corner, it would be even more of a struggle.

Fatigue sets in, and I haven't blogged or been as active. I still appreciate all the prayers and kind words from everyone. Keep the faith...I sure am trying..and seeing some sunshine finally!!


Much Love,

Julie

"Sounds...and Silence..."

It's amazing how a day with nothing planned goes so slow. I watched some comedy shows, took two naps and watched a little golf. I did get in my car and just drive around for a bit just to get out of the house. It's amazing driving, knowing my life is abnormal with cancer, and seeing everyone else carry on their daily tasks. I'm hoping once chemo and radiation are over that the normalcy will slowly regain more of my cognition.

Tonight, after dark, I walked down to the bridge and creek that runs parallel to my house. It's amazing how I've never noticed the sounds of the creek before. It was a beautiful sound. I looked up at the star-less sky, said a little prayer, and just listened. It allowed a moment of solitude, and I'm thankful for each moment like it. It allows a mind to escape, and the more of those I can garner, the better.

I'm trying to gear up for the last 7 hour chemo, and while it will be difficult, I'll be glad to complete this round. I pray these tumors are shrinking. I'm blessed KUMC has such top notch employees, and are attacking this aggressively.

Wes and I are grateful for all the prayers and support.

Much Love,
Julie

"A countdown...and trying to feel normal..."

Well, I've 11 radiation appointments left and 1 mega 7-hour chemo left. I can't wait to get the final 7 hour chemo treatment over with. Those are miserable, and must be aided with sleep meds. The radiation treatments are a slice of heaven compared to the chemo, and the trip for radiation goes so much faster. They're also placing me an a strict anti-nausea regime next week to fight off any lingering nausea that may occur after the last round. I'm fortunate modern medicine has tools to combat the gnarly nausea that accompanies chemo.

I'm fighting the feeling of wanting to be normal. It's a weird dilemma. One one hand, I'm constantly tired, fatigued, and want to rest. On the other half, it's like it's spring time, and I feel like I should be out planting or golfing or riding my scooter tooling around scot free. It's amazing to watch others drive by and see their life as normal, whereas mine will never be normal again. I'm hoping after the last treatments that I'll have some semblance of normalcy resume. Time moves by so slow, ekeing by minute by minute. Sleep patterns, while better, are itermittent. The day moves so slow. I'll be anxious to get back to work and get into a routine.

I continue to praise all those praying for me and showering me with tokens of prayers, love and messages. It does inspire.

Much Love,
Julie

"2 chemos....and 12 radiations to go..."

Well, I guess were gearing for home plate as I have one 2-hour and one-7 hour chemo left. I've also 12 Radiation's left. I can tell the fatigue is setting in. It's like I'm constantly tired. It's amazing having to wait until the time to take the next meds. It's like an eternity, but I must adhere to the schedule I've worked out. I feel if I don't, the nausea may reappear.

I won't know anything until Mid-June, but I hope and pray these SOB's shrink. I'd like some medical luck on my side for once.

I hope and pray that the blessings I've received in life, both in the matters of prayers, support, gifts, religious tokens, love and friendship continue to help prod me along this road.

Much Love,
Julie

"3 chemo down, 3 to go..."

I've made it half way through my last (hopeful) chemo for a while. I've two 2 hour chemos left today and Friday, and a mega 7 hour blast on Monday. I dread the 7 hour treatments the most. Imagine me being chained up for over 7 hours. I'm just thankful they give me meds that allow me to fall asleep.

Radiation continues until mid-May. I won't have another PET or CT scan until mid-June, as they wait a good month for the medicine to see if it continues to shrink the tumors. I hope and pray it does.

I continue to be thankful and appreciate each and every prayer and blessing I'm fortunate to have.

Keep the prayers coming,
Much Love,
Julie

"Apprehension....and Family..."

The Easter Holiday has passed, and I had a great weekend with my family. Saturday our entire family was together in Falls City, Nebraska. Today, I had my sister's entire family here and we went to church and then they finished up tidying my mothers house to prepare it for sale. It was both a joyous and sad occasion in church, but I'm blessed to have the unconditional love of a tremendous family. I get so much joy out of my nieces, nephews and great nieces and nephews. My great nieces and nephews are still young, and they are the third generation of nieces and nephews, and I treasure each time I see all 6 great nieces and nephews. They truly bring the kid out and me. Seeing them has helped aid in the apprehension building for this final week of chemo.

Tomorrow is the 7 hour mega-day, and I've packed my bag with magazines, movies, my mp3 player and my iPhone. My sister, my role-model and best friend, will be with me which makes these long days much more tolerable. I've always been extremely close with Jane, and we are growing even closer. She and Wes have been such a phenomenal strength for me, and without them, I wouldn't have as much courage and enthusiasm. They are my number one cheerleaders.

I doubt I sleep much tonight, but that's okay. That means I'll be tired tomorrow and will hopefully sleep during most of the 7 hours of chemo. I usually try to stay awake for the first couple of hours, and then if I'm fortunate to nap for a couple of hours, it makes the time go faster. The 2 hour chemo's are much more tolerable, and go so much faster.

I'm hoping everyone had a lovely Easter with family, friends and loved ones.

Much Love,
Julie

"An Easter Dinner...and an apartment..."

Today my entire family ate dinner in Falls City, Nebraska at my niece Angela's home. It was a wonderful time to be surrounded by family. We also took some furniture to my mothers apartment, and her place looks cozy. I was pleased to see that my mother is happy and comfortable in her new apartment. She is adjusting well considering both our lives stopped on a dime and changed rapidly.

I'm a tad apprehensive about next weeks chemo. I have, starting on Monday, a 7 hour session, followed by Tuesday through Friday 2 hour sessions, and then the last session the following Monday, another 7 hour mega session. The 2 hour sessions are tolerable. The 7 hour sessions require medicine that pretty much knocks me out and allows me to sleep. I will be glad to get this week over. Reminder to friends: Send strong stomach tissue!

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday. I pray everyone is surrounded by family and friends and has a Blessed Easter!

Much Love,
Julie

"A Doctor visit....and GOLF..."

Today Wes and I went to my afternoon radiation appt, went and had bloodwork drawn, and met with our oncologist. She informed me my next round of chemo would be tougher, and that we need to tweak the nausea meds. That was good to hear. She also is having me take Sucralfate, a pill that you dissolve in water to aide in protecting the throat. Apparently the radiation and chemo will both be tough on that area next week, so she's having me do this daily. She also suggested I take my anti-nausea meds at night instead of in the morning. I explained the nausea as occcuring the worst when I first wake up, so she's tweaking some things, and will tweak them as well during next weeks chemo. Wes asked her about plans for the summer, and if I would be needing another round of chemo. She said they do not do any CT or PET scans until one month after my last radiation appointment (which should occur in mid-May), but she's hoping this will do it. I'm a little apprehensive about next weeks chemo, but I know I have to endure it. I just hope I'm able to sleep during both 7 hour sessions, and the 2 hour sessions.

After I mentioned that I hoped to get back on the golf course this summer, the Doctor mentioned I would be a good lung cancer patient to give a "quote" for their golf tournament. That made me feel good, and I said as I love to write, I would do whatever she asked.

Keep the prayers coming.

Much Love,
Julie

"The Pink Flamingo's and my Mother..."

“The Pink Flamingo’s and my Mother…”

Today I was able, puny and all, to make it to radiation. They think I must have caught a bug, as it’s too late for the type of nausea I had to be related to the chemo 8 days out. Regardless, I’m glad my stomach, while still a tiny inferno, is not afire like it was yesterday.

My dear friend Jenny Smith drove me to KU med today. Jenny, a former cheerleader, was her typical spirited self and reminded me that I need to continue to exhibit my “zany” persona. She reminded me of the “Pink Flamingo” incident, and it brought up many laughs. Two summers ago, my hairstylist friend Diana and I were shopping at Wal-Mart and found those ‘Pink Flamingos” in the bargain aisle. I thought it would be creative to start a chain and signature page, and go place them in our friends’ yards late at night. We decorated 4 flamingos up, attached a note with instructions that whomever received them had to adorn it with something, and move it to someone else’s yard within 24 hours.

We left spots for 20 signatures attached to each Flamingo, and the last signature was reserved for a return to the Blair front yard. My intentions at the end of the Flamingo escapade were to have a BBQ and everyone who had been graced by the flamingo yard art would come to our home for a “Flamingo Party.” Well, long story short, 3 of the 4 Flamingo’s found there way back to our house. It was amazing and the birds looked completely different, and were decorated with a variety of tokens and gawdy, tacky trinkets from each household. However, it was amazing and fun and unique to follow the trail of who had received the lovely Pink Flamingo’s in their front yard. It was one of my most unique ideas, and a fun conversation piece for a span of that summer. We never did have the BBQ, but that may be a new summer project for me again! Jenny simply reminded me that that creative soul still exists, and I need to keep my chin up. It was good, sound advice from a good friend.

I’m a little ambivalent tonight. I’ve been my mothers’ primary caretaker for the last 10 years. She’s moving tomorrow, her house is nearly empty, and, while I know this is best for her, I wasn’t prepared for her to move out of town. She’s needed assisted living for quite some time, and we were preparing to find her a place in Atchison. I’m going to be lost not looking in on her, running her errands, calling her multiple times daily and doing “honey-do” chores around the house. Fulfilling her needs allowed me to nurture someone. It fulfilled my need since I don’t have children, but still had the need to take care of someone. While my world was hectic, I still saw her daily and will miss her terribly. I hate seeing both of us having our lives changed in the span of about a month. I do know that Falls City, Nebraska has my brother and his wife, and my niece and her husband and my three great niece and nephews, and so “Grandma” is getting all kinds of attention from the little ones. That is wonderful and so necessary for her to experience right now, and I’m pleased that my great nieces and nephews adore her and will get to experience my mom’s perky spirit.

Hopefully, with a little luck, I won’t be as puny tomorrow, and will be able to go to KU “Beta Theta Pi” Moms weekend with my sis and nephew. Nothing could make me smile more than being around both “family” and “KU.”

Much Love,
Julie

"A short post..."

The nausea hit today like a freight train, and the hair started falling out a wee bit. I felt so bad, I couldn't make my appt. for radiation. Cross your fingers and say a little prayer that this subsides quickly.

Much Love,
Julie