"The Phantom Pink Flamingo-er"

I've been very tired and haven't blogged as much. I must pay homage to whomever placed the large, lit pink flamingo and "Life is Good" golfballs on my front porch over the weekend. It made my husband and my day, and looks terrific when it's lit. Whoever the anonymous "flamingoer" is, we thank you for the smiles!

I'm still having the throat pain, but hoping it eases. I can't take too many pain meds as I have a freaky stomach (always have) and the pain meds make me sick. So, I trudge through day by day hoping each day gets better.

I pretty much just go to work and then come home afterwards. I've always heard radiation is fatiguing, I can now vouch for that storyline. I'm very anxious to get on the golf course, but know that will be some time. I'm also trying to put back on some of 30+ pounds I've lost. It's weird, but somedays I have an appetite, and other days I have no appetite. It's bizarre.

Keep the prayers coming,
Much Love,
Julie

"Random musings..."

Now that radiation is done, my spirits are a wee bit better. It's still weird and difficult to process that I have cancer. In one moment, my brain seems fine and able to tackle the task at hand. Then in an instant, I remember my life will never be the same with this cancer. I continue to pray that the medicines shrink the tumors. It's still very difficult to swallow, and I'm suppose to drink at least 65 ounces of water or powerade per day. I manage to complete that task, but have to use a certain liquid prescription that numbs the throat where the radiation was geared to.

As I said, it's difficult to process having this cancer. My mind tells me I should be planting my flowers, golfing, or being more active. My body tells me that is not possible yet. I did have a wonderful surprise when I got home from shopping for Wes's birthday present today. Polly and Kim, two of my good friends, came over and planted petunia's in my porch box. There both huge K-State fans, and actually tried to get me red and blue plants, but the colors available were red and white. It was a sweet surprise from two good friends. I appreciated the smile, and especially seeing Kim's daughter Blair, whom I've spoiled often and puts a smile on my face every time I see her. Blair, out of the blue a couple of years ago, called Wes and I and wanted to spend the night. We loved that she did, and she came over and Wes and I had a blast babysitting her.

I'm finding I'm still tired from the radiation, and will be anxious to get a week out of treatments so the throat can heal. In that sense, I want time to move fast. Otherwise, time moves slow. It's still hard to believe I've been living with this for over 2 months. It's flown by, but it also goes slow.

Keep the prayers coming,
Much Love,
Julie

"Radiation is done..."

My 35 trips to radiation are done. I just wish the pain could turn off and stop just like the radiation treatments. When Wes and I first arrived, we were called from the lobby to the nurses station which alarmed me. I'd been battling some fatigue, and am really working to keep from getting dehydrated and I has no clue why I would go to the nurses station. Ends up Vicki, the nurse with the sweet, comforting voice, had three KU golf balls for me in a prescription bottle with the directions: 'Hit the heck out of the ball." It not only made my day, but made me smile. I needed a smile. I got hugs from all the lovely nurses. They liked the fact that for 35 days straight, I wore a KU shirt.

The pain from the radiation is miserable. Swallowing food or liquid is like turmoil on my throat. The Dr. told me the pain will last for about another week, but gave me a prescription for some different pain meds that can hopefully help with this incredible pain. I will be glad when I can get on a normal diet. Soft foods and liquids are very bland after a while.

I haven't been blogging much as I haven't had the energy. I hope and continue to pray that this journey is successful, and that the chemo and radiation are shrinking the tumors. Please continue to pray.

Much Love,
Julie

"2 months to the day..."

It's been two months since diagnosis. February 23, 2009 was my last day of "normalcy." While I think I've handle this quietly and in a shy manner, I've also first experienced the "anger" and "frustration" of being afflicted with this pervasive disease. I think the warm weather and my zany persona wants to run out the door, go jogging, ride my scooter, and smack the crap out of a golf ball. My mind wants to be active; my body tells me it's not possible. I must pace myself.

I've 7 radiations out of 35 left, and believe me you, am counting them down. The windpipe is getting extremely sore, I'm moving towards a softer diet and plenty of protein powder to sustain what weight I can. I'm cautious about going and buying jeans and shorts, as I anticipate putting back on some of the 30 pounds I've lost since October. Yea, I thought I had a great diet prior to diagnosis!!

We met with the Drs. today and as usual, they inform me we won't know anything until the scans that will occur at One and Four months after radiation is completed. I'm blessed that KUMC is attacking this so aggressively. Cathy Glennon, our guardian angel, accompanies us to each appt. It's an amazing honor to walk the halls with her and see how much respect, admiration and dedication she receives from every individual. We feel like royalty in her presence, and are blessed she pointed us down this road to fighting this disease.

I also am blessed with a bevy of wonderful drivers, exceptional friends and family, and a sister that my relationship blossoms more and more each day. Janie and I have always been close. I'm blessed to have a truly wonderful older sister. I will never forget how she has helped me. Wes is also strong, and without these people in my corner, it would be even more of a struggle.

Fatigue sets in, and I haven't blogged or been as active. I still appreciate all the prayers and kind words from everyone. Keep the faith...I sure am trying..and seeing some sunshine finally!!


Much Love,

Julie

"Sounds...and Silence..."

It's amazing how a day with nothing planned goes so slow. I watched some comedy shows, took two naps and watched a little golf. I did get in my car and just drive around for a bit just to get out of the house. It's amazing driving, knowing my life is abnormal with cancer, and seeing everyone else carry on their daily tasks. I'm hoping once chemo and radiation are over that the normalcy will slowly regain more of my cognition.

Tonight, after dark, I walked down to the bridge and creek that runs parallel to my house. It's amazing how I've never noticed the sounds of the creek before. It was a beautiful sound. I looked up at the star-less sky, said a little prayer, and just listened. It allowed a moment of solitude, and I'm thankful for each moment like it. It allows a mind to escape, and the more of those I can garner, the better.

I'm trying to gear up for the last 7 hour chemo, and while it will be difficult, I'll be glad to complete this round. I pray these tumors are shrinking. I'm blessed KUMC has such top notch employees, and are attacking this aggressively.

Wes and I are grateful for all the prayers and support.

Much Love,
Julie

"A countdown...and trying to feel normal..."

Well, I've 11 radiation appointments left and 1 mega 7-hour chemo left. I can't wait to get the final 7 hour chemo treatment over with. Those are miserable, and must be aided with sleep meds. The radiation treatments are a slice of heaven compared to the chemo, and the trip for radiation goes so much faster. They're also placing me an a strict anti-nausea regime next week to fight off any lingering nausea that may occur after the last round. I'm fortunate modern medicine has tools to combat the gnarly nausea that accompanies chemo.

I'm fighting the feeling of wanting to be normal. It's a weird dilemma. One one hand, I'm constantly tired, fatigued, and want to rest. On the other half, it's like it's spring time, and I feel like I should be out planting or golfing or riding my scooter tooling around scot free. It's amazing to watch others drive by and see their life as normal, whereas mine will never be normal again. I'm hoping after the last treatments that I'll have some semblance of normalcy resume. Time moves by so slow, ekeing by minute by minute. Sleep patterns, while better, are itermittent. The day moves so slow. I'll be anxious to get back to work and get into a routine.

I continue to praise all those praying for me and showering me with tokens of prayers, love and messages. It does inspire.

Much Love,
Julie

"2 chemos....and 12 radiations to go..."

Well, I guess were gearing for home plate as I have one 2-hour and one-7 hour chemo left. I've also 12 Radiation's left. I can tell the fatigue is setting in. It's like I'm constantly tired. It's amazing having to wait until the time to take the next meds. It's like an eternity, but I must adhere to the schedule I've worked out. I feel if I don't, the nausea may reappear.

I won't know anything until Mid-June, but I hope and pray these SOB's shrink. I'd like some medical luck on my side for once.

I hope and pray that the blessings I've received in life, both in the matters of prayers, support, gifts, religious tokens, love and friendship continue to help prod me along this road.

Much Love,
Julie