Golf Article published in 2007

“Give Golf a Go”

Mark Twain once said: “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” While I can’t concur
with him regarding the walking (I’m lazy and ride in a cart), it does have
the potential to spoil the perfect summer day with the frustrations of trying
to master a sport than can never be mastered unless you’re Tiger Woods.

What makes golf so fun? What about it makes those of us who consider
ourselves rational to become obsessive about hitting a white, dimpled ball
repeatedly? What makes us so passionate about a sport that you can be
accurate and on fire one day, but also has the potential to make you want
to throw your clubs in the pond the next day? What is it about golf that
can drive you mad when you miss a three foot putt, but you still want to
come back for more?

It’s simple. It’s therapeutic. There’s nothing more gorgeous than teeing
off at 6:57 a.m., just as the sun starts to rise. With dew still on the
ground, it’s the perfect way to greet the morning. It’s also serene and
thought-provoking late in the evening as the sun ends its daily duty and
begins to disappear. It’s a peaceful journey.

As you travel from hole to hole, selecting various clubs and attacking the
hole in a round of golf in the still of a late summer evening, it‘s the
marriage of passive-aggressive tendencies. You are surrounded by the
beautiful aesthetics of a gorgeous golf course. There is nothing more
peaceful than driving down a finely manicured fairway, trying to find a
little white “sphere” that you hope landed in the fairway. Once you find it,
the process starts again. Move the ball forward in order to land it into a
hole no bigger than the size of a mayonnaise jar lid. The aggressive
tendencies start when you attack the hole in hopes of making at least par.
It’s a beautiful process that repeats itself endlessly, hole after hole.

While the process to me is fun, it’s also a unique sport in terms of the
vocabulary associated with it. The words in golf make if fun to just listen
to a conversation about it. For instance, I could describe my last golf
outing as such:

“I golfed horrible today. I hit everything fat, and sliced my driver off the
tee. I had to hit punch shots from the trees, banana hooked my three
wood and took a hairpiece that looked better than Donald Trump‘s comb-
over on the par three. My flop shots were awful, I landed in the kitty litter
twice, and I couldn’t bump and run a wedge to gimme land”

Basically what that sentence means is that I was chunky on impact (fat),
pushed my drive right (slice), took half-swings (punch shots) and took a
grass divot (hairpiece). Flop shots and bump and runs are approach shots
once you near the green that require delicate touch to get the ball to roll
to the hole. The kitty litter is a sand trap placed as a hazard near the
green. A gimme is a ball that is so close to the hole that you don’t have to
putt out.

So, while I am a big proponent of golf, and will promote it to any
newcomer, I am also a fan of the language. I can guarantee there is
probably no other sport that has such a fun vocabulary involved, and
provides such unique, descriptive words that explain individual
performances.

While I’m passionate and almost obsessive about my golf, I’m also a fan of
the language and the process. There is something comical about the
language that lessens a terrible performance. While I may be terribly
angry about a miss-hit, it’s hilarious to say: “We’ll I really shanked that
one!!” If I happen to completely miss the ball, you’ll hear me giggle and
say “ That‘s a whiff.” If I pull my drive left, you’ll hear me yell: “Fore” to
warn those on adjacent holes of the impending doom of a stray golf ball
traveling their direction. And, you’ll hear my husband call me “Alice”
instead of Julie oftentimes when I putt. “Alice” is code for a tentative,
short putt that doesn’t come near the hole.

The game of golf isn’t really complicated. It just takes a few rounds to get
your bearings and find the feel of your swing. Once you get it, you’ll be
addicted. I keep praying to win the lottery in order to retire from teaching
and golf year-round instead of only in the summers. I dream about
golfing beautiful courses in the Carolina’s, Florida and Arizona, and can’t
wait to plan a vacation for my husband and I to golf in those locales that
are notorious for their courses.

Atchison is fortunate to have two gorgeous golf courses in town. Both
courses will allow you to come out and play without being a member. I
urge you to go borrow some clubs and take your spouse, children or best
friend out and play 9 holes either early in the morning, or late in the
evening. Give it a chance, and you’ll be hooked for life. And, remember
the playful language. That just adds to it’s charm!!