"Hmm...a better day..."

“Hmm…a better day…”

When cancer invades your body, your mind enters an entire new dimension. Tracking and normal everyday chores and routines are suddenly interrupted with worries, thoughts, fears and distractions. Weekends have been the toughest. It’s the “free time” aspect of it. School, while proving somewhat of a distraction, has also been tough to endure. Cancer also invades your psyche and never leaves.

I’ve had people tell me I’ll have “good days” and “bad days.” Well, so far, everyday pretty much sucked. There’s no such thing as a “good day” with cancer. I’d call today “more tolerable” than others. I woke up early, and then tried to take a nap. I then wrote a short blog. I had an opportunity to golf with my husband and his group, but politely declined and preferred to go to church. It’s tough to think about golf as I was finally shooting in the mid 70’s at the end of last season. I’m not going to be able to attack it fully for a while, so golfing today would have been futile. It’s still hard to watch it on the television because I’m so passionate about golf, but I’m in hopes I’ll be able to get out there sooner rather than later. I’m also a fair-weather golfer regarding the weather. If it’s cold, I’m a pansy and will wait until warmer weather.

I had an old college friend make a special trip down from St. Joe tonight. Teresa Flores is a physical therapist at Heartland Hospital up there. In the last year, we’ve been fortunate to get together several times and catch up. She surprised me with some fun gifts. She also made a darling, beautiful scrapbook full of pictures from our college years. It totally brought back some of the best memories of my life, and is a scrapbook I will treasure for a long time. It provided me a smile that I’ve needed since this nightmare started. If you’re on Facebook, I took a few photos and uploaded them. In looking at the pictures, it makes it seem like they were only taken yesterday. Time certainly does fly when you’re having fun, and we Catholic college girls did have fun!

I’ve noticed I’m getting tons of puzzles, crosswords and Sudoku books from friends to pass the time away in the chemo chair. Paul Giffin, a former counselor at my high school, loaded me up with KU odds and ends, and his care package was full of pizzazz. Gerre Martin, another counselor at AHS, also gave me the “Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader” book, and a Sudoku and logic problem book. Seems everyone knows I like puzzles and perplexing games that make the mind think. They will, indeed, help pass time during this rough first week.

It’s my spring break, and it behooves me that I will be starting cancer treatments instead of golfing this break. While I’m extremely apprehensive about starting both chemo and radiation at the same time, I’m also ready to get the show on the road. I did read a little bit on radiation today, and what to expect. I’m still holding off on educating myself about chemo and the effects. I know how my brain operates, and sometimes, in my case, the less informed, the better. I’ll read what I need to read, and filter and block out what I don’t want to know. It’s weird, but I can simply ignore some things. Just ask my husband…I ignore him quite a bit!! ☺

I’m having my nightly glass of wine while I blog, which helps me relax and sleep better. I’m still having haphazard sleep patterns, which is probably to be expected. I’m also feeling like the fatted calf in that my diet and caloric intake has increased greatly these past few days. I will admit the wine is probably the best, happiest calories I’ve ingested in the past few weeks. It’s soothing. Damn tasty too!

Love and Prayers,
Julie