"Normalcy..."

Tonight, my husband and mother-in-law went to my nieces wedding. I went over to my mothers house and had pizza with my mom and brother, Tom. I was surprised I had an appetite. I ate 4 pieces of pizza, 2 cookies and a big glass of milk. I'll admit in the last few weeks since being diagnosed, food has been repulsive, and I've lost a few pounds. I'm getting an appetite back, and I'm not sure if it's my plan of trying to help prepare my body for the chemo and radiation, or nervous eating. I almost have a gut ache I ate so much.

I had an hour of solitude at home after I left moms house as Wes and Geri (my mother-in-law), went to the wedding. I had time to reflect, looked up some of my KU coursework, and life was typical for a few, brief moments. It was a wonderful feeling. Even as I type this now, it's a simulation of my normal routine..being on the computer either doing KU coursework, listening to music, or playing on Facebook. It's a temporary feeling of normalcy, and I like it. I wish it was going to be permanent.

I know I'll go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow, still harboring the fears of having lung cancer. I keep trying to tell myself they can shrink the tumors, that medicine is progressing, and I'm such an odd, unique person that my case will indeed, be different. I've got a world renowned specialist spearheading the chemo. I've a good radiologist. I've got a team that's cutting edge, and I need to remember those "facts." I had a friend tell me to avoid reading the statistics of any type of cancer, as my story is 100% mine. I need to focus and keep those words in my mind at all times.

Love and Prayers,
Julie