"My mothers independence lost, as well as mine..."

“My mother’s independence lost, as well as mine…”

I remember a few years ago having a discussion with my mother regarding taking her driving privileges away from her. She was perfectly capable of driving, but at 82, we were being preventative. It took our entire family to complete the persuading, and the deed wasn’t completed until my husband, Wes, spoke with her. Since he wasn’t a biological child of hers, he carried some weight with some rational explanations as to why it was time to stop. We finally persuaded her to bow out gracefully, which she did.

I’m finding at 47 years old, I understand her disagreement and reasoning as to why she couldn’t continue. I’m temporarily at the mercy of my family and friends. I’ve also been the primary caretaker for my mother, and being the only child in town, did the majority of her chores. While my world is hectic with work, college and local board meetings, I still managed to get mothers chores done daily, albeit a tad bit quicker and with less visiting than I’d have liked to. She now faced another uprooting, and will probably have to move up to Falls City Nebraska with my oldest brother Dave and his family, as I simply can’t take the time to be caretaker for both her and concentrate on my health. It’s bittersweet. I don’t have children, and the chores and my responsibilities I fulfilled for her seeded my need to “parent” someone. I will miss her.

I’m finding I’m a bit more tired after 2 days of chemo and radiation. I think it’s more the meds than anything. I’m also on so many meds I’m confused. I could never be a street dealer, as I could never get all these silly names remembered. I am a true “right brain” creative type, and anything sequential or mathematical seeps right out of the top of the hair that will shortly be abandoning my head. I’m still searching for the perfect “doo rag.” I’m not a wig person, so will find myself some colorful, zany looking scarves and doo rags.

I still find every waiting room I’m in at both cancer centers, I’m always the youngest there. It makes me angry for a moment. Then, I realize the lovely children that are afflicted by this dreaded disease, and my world comes back to the law of averages. I’ve made it a lot longer than others. I’m not throwing in the towel, and will fight like a pit bull on steroids, but, I’m trying to be rational. I am in a world-class place.

I’m tired tonight, so will end with this snippet from one of my favorite songs of Diana Ross and the Supremes:

“Aint no mountain high enough”…..

I’ve said this is my personal Mt. Everest. I’ll keep climbing if you keep praying!

Much Love,
Julie