"Strength comes in riptides..."

“Strength comes in riptides”

My weekend excursion into total Julie immersion is over, and it’s back to reality in the Blair household. It was a wonderful weekend, and I again praise the love of my life, Wes, for forcing me on a jaunt to the Elms Resort over the weekend. Men…they’ll surprise you and charm you in a heartbeat! It was actually wonderful for Wes and I to sit back and laugh, hug, cry and prepare for the journey that awaits us. Strength comes in waves and riptides, and I am fully prepared for an onslaught of varying emotions. I pray for Wes too.
My touchstone sister Janie, and my brother Tom informed my mother today while I was in Kansas City. My mother is 84 and has had several mini-strokes. At first, when they informed her, my mother was in a state of confusion and thought they were telling her she was the one with a serious health issue. It might be a blessing her brain processes things differently.
My family has been absolutely wonderful. I can’t say enough about how important it is to have strong family ties in situations like this. My sister is a Godsend. She arrived today from Wichita with several casseroles and a Kahlua cake from Mary Jo Rohr, one of her good friends, and Kim Hagan, her sister-in-law. I’m glad she has such good friends supporting her. It’s terrible to watch the ones you love try to be so strong for you, yet it makes me wonder who’s strong for them? Who’s going to hold them up? Who’s going to pick up the pieces for them? My entire family has stood behind me, and believe me, it’s a wonderful feeling.
I’ve my appointment tomorrow with the pulmonologist at 2:15, and I’m prepared for the worst. I’m coughing more frequently, and it’s a scary, almost suffocating feeling. I have an appointment at KU Cancer Center on both Tuesday and Wednesday, and am ready to get on this journey. It’s an impatient feeling. I’m still holding hope that this is a benign mass, but I’m pretty much prepared for the worst. I wish this was a bad dream, but unfortunately it’s not. I just want to get this waiting game over. It’s cruel. I would simply prefer to know my destiny, and get there. I’ve lived my life as a fast-moving train, and I’m not surprised I have this same attitude now. I’m avoiding googling anything to protect myself. I’m amazed I’ve had the discipline to avoid googling information, but in a sense, it’s a safe way to keep me in a stupor until I know for sure. I know how my brain operates, and had I been googling information, my chaotic brain would be all over the map. I’ve given myself a legend to this roadmap of bad news and will not deviate from it. It’s strange how I can block things out. I once was shooting an excellent round of golf with my husband and one of his friends, and never actually tallied up my score until the end. I ended up shooting a 76, which is really good for me, but had no clue what my final score would be throughout the round. Funky brain I have!! Of course, that’s already pretty much known!!
Both Wes and my heart are heavy for a dear friend of ours who’s also going through some rough waters. Trish has been a wonderful, inspirational friend to the both of us, and I ask that you pray for her during her journey with her husband, Bill. It’s unfortunate that life, as grandiose, magnificent and beautiful as it is, must also give us heartbreak.
Keep the Faith!