"A doo rag, a golf course, and a swimming pool..."

“A doo rag, a golf course, and a swimming pool…”

We’ll, if I had to measure tough days at work, today would rank as the toughest. I had asked advice from the high school counselors how to deal with this situation regarding my special ed students, and they advised me to be honest with them. I have always lectured my students to avoid smoking and have told them I regretted starting. I also had told them I could be susceptible to lung cancer. That’s a premonition I wish I didn’t have!! My students knew something was going on, and I simply told them I had some health issues regarding lung cancer, was prepared to fight it with all the radiation and chemo necessary, and that there may be some structure changes regarding substitutes. I’m blessed I have a wonderful department that has really provided comfort and helped guide me along as I tried to maintain my professional focus while struggling internally with the cancer. They’ve been a wonderful support and I’m fortunate.
I received a call from Dr. Kelly today regarding the plan of attack, and unfortunately was deescalating a situation with a student that had a major anger issue. How bizarre of me to miss the call when dealing with what a student deemed an emergency. I did call my Doctor back, and then called her second-in-command, Kizzy to confirm what my confused mind just processed from Dr. Kelly. I found peace in Kizzy’s salutation at the end of her voicemail: “Have a blessed day!” Strange how little sayings and snippets create calm. At any rate, I now have my facts straight and am comprehending my plan of attack better. I am feeling the fight in me start to evolve. I don’t think I’ve shown anger yet, and I’m not sure when to expect it.
Every day since I’ve found out I have this pervasive, gnarly curse they call “cancer” I’ve taken the long route to work, and driven by the Missouri River daily. It’s a slice of serenity in a world of chaos. I also drove to my golf course and just sat in the parking lot this evening. As a board member of the club, I’ve always volunteered to paint the pool every summer. I looked at the pool that I painted with such pride and perfection and thought: “If I can be a perfectionist and paint this silly pool with such fastidious care, I can surely dig up the same perfectionism and effort regarding my future.” I’m still rational and understand what I’m facing. I’m also in hopes I’m regaining my zeal, my zest for life, my feistiness and my enthusiasm that has never failed me. I sure pray to our Good Lord that he chooses the path that is correct for me.
I’m channeling and selecting what information regarding lung cancer I process. I have reached out to those that can inform me what to expect regarding the chemo and radiation. I’ve been told I may lose my hair. I also was told I may need to use some lotion on my chest. I think if I do lose my hair, I’m more of a “doo rag” person as opposed to a wig. I just don’t see me wearing a wig, but rather a ball cap or “doo rag!” Now that’s a fun word: DOO RAG!!
I visited my mother tonight. It was a pleasant conversation. One thing she told me, which rested my tormented soul was: “Do not beat yourself up over smoking. It could have simply been family genes!” That eased my heartbroken soul.
Love and Prayers,
Julie